Yeah, I'm alive!

 You ever stop and look at how much time has passed from one point in your life to where you are now and gasp for breath? It's almost suffocating to realize years can go by and in your brain, you think it's only been six months.

Clearly this is the case when it comes to blogging. I know I've discussed how I often forget to blog in the past, but now that I am over the age of 60, my brain lies to me and tells me I just blogged a few months ago, when, in fact, it's been years.

Getting older sucks. 

My whole life, since I was a toddler, has been about expressing myself with words, and sadly as I get older, the words often fail me. Or there is major disconnect between the ideas in my head and what makes it to the page. Oh, it's even worse when I am talking. There is not just disconnect, but complete shut-down where the words get backed up behind an invisible, and completely clogged, mental drain and what comes out of my mouth is a lot of "hurrrrr durrrrrr hurrrrr."

Just wait and see. You'll be older one day and you'll remember this when you are saying, "Hurrrdeeedurrr" to someone who just asked you your name.

I am now caretaking for my mom, who has dementia, and my brain is not what it used to be. Caretaking means being on high levels of cortisol almost 24/7 - you are always in fight or flight mode and rarely can you relax long enough to sleep, let alone write. There are constant interruptions, doctor visits, phone calls, saying things over and over again and dealing with a loved one who really is fast becoming just a shell of who they used to be. There is also the facing of mortality that comes with caretaking, and realizing one day you will be on the receiving end.

I was not made for caretaking. I have little patience. I took great care raising a son alone who had a disability and I was there and beyond for him and will always be, but now having to do the same for a parent is exhausting. It's truly exhausting.

Still, I have to write. I have to find time to tell stories or convey things I've learned because that is not what I do, it's who I AM. It just takes me a lot longer now and I can't work on five things at once. Working on one is all I can handle for now. As long as I just keep putting the words to the page.

So, if I forget to blog, forgive me. I am here and I still have a lot to say and write about. I hope to be doing so until the day my brain says, "Hurrrrduurrrrrrrrrrr, enough already!" Then I shall retire to Sanibel Island and look for sea shells for the rest of my days.

GROWING OR DYING

 I was reading a blog from Tony Robbins where he said we are either growing or dying. I guess in a sense we are doing both. Our bodies are dying, since the moment of birth. But in the in-between time from our birth to our death, we really can choose to grow or "die while alive."

Growth can be hard, even painful. When you get older, you just feel so tired of it all. Been there, done that, too damn tired to do it again. But if this keeps being your life motto, you soon find yourself dealing with depression and a loss of meaning and purpose to your life.

You're never too old to grow, or too tired, either. It might feel that way temporarily, so rest. But don't make resting state your default state, because that will lead to regrets later, when you look back and realize you did indeed have plenty of time and energy left to find new purpose, resurrect old dreams or create new ones, and give of yourself. 

Growing as we die may sound paradoxical, but we can do both. We can continue to expand ourselves even as our bodies go toward an end point none of us can escape. It's what we do up until that end point that matters and as long as we are breathing, there's time and energy to spare.

 Because I write full-time, I find it hard to blog. I find it hard to remember to blog. My brain is so filled up with words and ideas and research. It finally occurred to me that maybe I was writing too many non-fiction books. I mean, people would ask about one of my earlier books and I couldn't remember one factoid or thing I had written about! I've stopped doing much radio because I have to go back and read what I wrote years ago.

Me thinks my brain is too full. I have a couple more non-fiction titles under contract and then I think it's time to return to the creativity of the right brain. I am writing more fiction, screenplays, novellas and it makes me so happy. I've rediscovered my passion for writing and telling stories, a passion that began when I was old enough to talk and got teased by my beloved Poppy for taking any ordinary situation in life, such as a trip to buy shoes, and spinning an elaborate story out of it. When my Poppy said that to me, he was recognizing what I came here to do...tell stories.

I will write non-fiction in the future if the spirit moves me, or if I get an offer I cannot refuse! But I long to return to the days when I could look at something ordinary, and see something deeper...enough to spin a story out of it. My Poppy knew me even before I knew myself.

i am still here!!!!!

 I write for a living and often forget to blog. I know, my bad. So much has happened since my last blog, including a hospitalization for my heart, several new books, a shared world series I created called BLACK MARIAH debuted with writers from all over the world, and I am now writing under a pen name for Kindle Vella, J. Madison Ree. I have to stories on Vella, SPACE COWBOYS, and THE HYBRID KING. 

I sold a screenplay for a romantic comedy that should be going into production soon, wrote and produced my second short film, optioned two big TV projects, and put out one of my most important non-fiction books ever, DISINFORMATION AND YOU: IDENTIFY PROPAGANDA AND MANIPULATION. 

I am also writing and editing for Soulmaker Press and working on a ton of fabulous and important life-changing books for them. They are wonderful. My screenwriting partner Denise A. Agnew and I are pitching our scripts and writing our newest horror story, MONSTROSITY. Having a blast doing it, too.

So a lot is happening and I am usually glued to my office chair writing and editing and writing some more. I thank everyone who has supported me all this time and hope you continue to do so. I will try not to forget to blog as much. My brain can only take so much, and calendars don't seem to help!!!

Visit my website at www.mariedjones.com and sign up for my email newsletter so you can keep up on things and win free books, too!!!

 Writers are lucky creatures. We can work from home, or from anywhere else in the world, so things like pandemics don't affect us much. Nor do shutdowns. We tend to be isolated creatures, too. But we do need some personal contact with other creatures, and one of the best ways to do that is to embark on projects that involve other writers, or to make an indie film. 

I have the distinct pleasure of being involved with several "teams" of writers and film folks, so I get the joys of collaboration even in times of staying in your own house when possible. We can zoom, meet for lunch, and still keep things going, with a few tweaks here and there. Creativity and the urge to tell stories and share information never stops. So it's all about adapting.

Even if you have a more "normal" job or career, what are some ways you can adapt to working at home more? Seeing people over Zoom if you can't meet in the conference room? Working with partners or  teams so you don't have to feel so alone?

I can do my job from a deserted island (if it has internet connection, that is) or in the middle of a busy city, and I realize how blessed I am. Look for ways to adapt to the current situations to make them work for you. All it takes a little resourcefulness and creativity.

Focusing on Goals During Global Upheaval

 It's hard enough to focus attention needed to achieve goals when things are going rather peacefully in the world around us. External and environmental events have a way of sneaking up on us and causing a lot of underlying anxiety that leads to lack of motivation, a "so what" attitude, a feeling of futility of effort, and a general malaise that doesn't leave a lot of energy for goals.

Yet this is actually the time to dig in and go for those personal goals. No matter what is going on in the world, we have the power to tune it out and put our focus where we need it so that we can better our own lives. Too much worrying and concern over what's going on "out there" means time is passing and opportunities are fading into the distance. Here's the thing. You can't really control what happens in the world, but you can control what happens in YOUR world.

The time is going to pass anyway. It's a shame to see so many people engaging in political attacks, arguments, debates, and generally stressing out over the opinions and actions of others, when they can be putting that same focus, that same passion and energy, into achieving something or doing something productive. Then, when things calm down "out there," you'll hear many of these same people lamenting how they wished they would have taken better advantage of that time. Sorry, it's gone now.

The world will continue to turn and things will happen that will cause a great deal of anxiety. Turn off the news. You'll find out what is happening, trust me. Get off social media and channel that energy into doing the things you've been putting off, the things you've always wanted to do. Act now, or you will one day wake up and things outside of you will be back to normal, but you'll be filled with the regret of not having taken action when you could have.

Focus! Put your attention on what you want, not what you don't want. This is how you change your life, and eventually, this is how you change the lives of others, by example. 

 Sometimes writers forget to blog. I have been so busy living life and writing that I forgot I even had a blog! This is why having a schedule and business plan can be so effective for writers. We tend to overwhelm ourselves with deadlines and jobs and pitching and starting new projects, it becomes easy to let something slip, then realize it's been years since we revisited it.

My bad! I am putting on my calendars "blog something, dummy!" to remind me that I have this awesome opportunity to reach out and talk to more people when I do. Hey, maybe one person reads this, maybe nobody does. But I figure the NSA tracks everything we do online, so maybe they'll enjoy knowing what I have to say!

My next blog will be a giant-ass catch-up of everything I've done since my last one, which was uh...four years ago!

Until next time!