Monday, July 23, 2012

Viral Diabetes

Man, what is it with Yahoo and Facebook and all these places where you see a continuous supply of cute kitty and puppy viral videos and pictures and for God’s sakes, do I really need to see another damn video of a cat that plays the piano? Yahoo tells me it’s a “Must See” and it’s “blowing up on the web.” It’s a dumb cat with its paws up on a piano. BFD! Show me a video of a cat doing taxes for less than the lady who does mine charges me and I’ll make that thing viral. Playing a piano? My kid did that when he was a baby, although on the YouTube I posted I edited out my hands holding up his arms to the keyboard. I’m not stupid!

Kitties and puppies are so cute, just like babies. Well, not all babies. Trust me, there are some butt-ugly babies, I don’t care how politically incorrect it is to admit that. But little creatures grow up to be big creatures who puke up fur balls, hurl themselves at your bedroom door at 5am wanting to be fed, march all over your good quilt and destroy your gorgeous maroon sectional. Like babies, they aren’t so cute and cuddly once they grow up. They cost a lot to feed, too.

I do enjoy looking now and then at a cute little kitty or a puppy in a teacup, but if I see too many of these images in one day, I feel like I am going into a diabetic coma from all the sweetness. I mean, really, there is a limit to cuteness. After about the tenth image, I want to take the little itty-bitty cuddly kitty and toss it to a coyote. Here’s a treat!  Coyotes need to eat, too. But see? Because they aren’t so cute and cuddly you don’t see a ton of viral videos of them playing piano, do you?

I do hope most of you realize, the cat is NOT really playing piano. And if by chance it is, it’s a fluke, a trick of nature, and not a mutant anomaly of a feline Elton John.

I wonder who at Yahoo chooses which videos are going to “blow up on the web” because I never see any of them until Yahoo tells me they are blowing up on the web. It’s a trick, I just know it. And even after Yahoo tells me they are blowing up on the web, I don’t watch anyway. I am sick of cute little animals doing cute little things. Today it was a talented horse that loved to paint. Oh brother...

The whole viral video thing is kind of creepy and cult like if you think about it. People go nuts watching these things, and the videos get millions of hits, and it makes you wonder why there are so many damn people with so much damn free time on their hands.

I have to go. My cat is throwing herself at the office door, wanting to be fed. What a total bitch. She was so cute as a kitten too...Where’s my video camera?

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